Furious With Myself For Being Mad at Myself For Getting A Parking Ticket
Current mood: angry

I've been living in this damn apartment for 3.5 years (that's right - how dare you question me!!!) and the ONE TIME I FORGET MY CAR AT A METERED SPACE I GET A FUCKING TICKET!!!! I have permit parking on my damn street too! I just parked it at the meter on the so called freedom holiday (free to not get a ticket till dawn) to drag some stuff into my place and I forgot to move the thing. My car that is. It's a thing and that's all. A thing that can't move its fucking self out of harm's way! I go outside in the morning and bam! I have a ticket from within the hour. What the hell- I couldn't get lucky for once in my Goddamn life in this town!?! There've been hit and runs on this street with no cops to be found. People speed like crazy! I got jumped once a few blocks away! Where were the police then? Ah, such an easy task handing out parking tickets. If the selfish homeowners on my side street didn't block half the street parking with their trash cans two or three days out of the week as they lazily await garbage pickup there would be ample parking for us sorry multi tenant dwelling renters who have a right to park on this block. When I rented a home in the scorched valley (Oh, I thought I was a family man once; I mean- I thought I had a family) we the people didn't have to worry about taking up street parking with our trash cans because there were no multi-tenant dwellings with dozens of needy parkers. There were only cute little single family homes in our neighborhood. Sure, those cute single family homes were merely facades housing MORAL DECAY, DECEIT and TREACHERY. But, parking was not an issue. You did not need to "feed the meter" in order to feed your lust , greed or whatever voracious sin you satiated beyond those wastefully watered lawns.

Anyway it's still my DAMN FAULT for getting the ticket (and for working for a living, and for being too skinny and for being honest and for trusting anyone including myself and for being a sucker and for having too many books I haven't read and for neglecting my calling and for writing a run-on). Within the confines of unjust existence it's my Own Damn Fault for everything- especially this mocking infernal ticket which I can't even eradicate through immediate payment because it has yet to make its way onto the CONVENIENT pay-by-web site of our City Of A-holes like me. Oh, right now I'd rather be struck dead by lightening than pay this vile $40 fine to a city that can't get a baseball team without stealing it from Brooklyn and whose basketball teams come from places where there's abundant fresh water. And yet I'm even angrier that I can't pay it, lightening quick! Well my anger at THE SYSTEM and at my own self loathing over my forgetfulness in leaving my car at a meter (is this early onset Alzheimer's?) comes from somewhere too. My anger comes right from The Heart Of America! Ain't that the best kind? Blind, unreasoning anger! That shit'll blow up your village if you don't live Stateside, give you an ulcer if you do. Hope you had a happy Independence day! Now it's over ! Go back to being a slave, paying for nothing and getting assaulted by circumstance! Turn that flag upside down brothers and sisters; I'm declaring a liberty emergency.

11:26 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

on the sly: sly stone house of blues sunset strip april 2008

Sly was terrible. Came out 1.5 hour late after booing started. Hunched - his constant posture - dressed in past regality [sic] which was to be the theme. claimed over breaking mic he wanted audience to get money back so he could play for free since the people representing him were fucking him over but they wouldn't do it. this all by way i'm sure of trying to deflect anger from crowd, make an excuse. said he'd take a piss and be right back. came out and was merely present and grinning on stool at keyboard for opening number - don't call me nigger. band, such as it were, couldn't do more than stutter and halt as it waited for sly. my head was in my hands. young girl says- what's wrong? you got to have faith! a couple of songs later she says- maybe you were right. in between there is the tease of sly almost delivering. it all becomes undeniably hopeless during third song- everydaypeople. show has appearance of deranged grandfather being surrounded by family trying to hackout serviceable reminders of grandpa's genius. i really almost cried while some clown in a baseball hat took sly's lead I I I love everyday people. sly's involvement decreased fromthere on out. more "bathroom breaks" . sly escorted off and on stage by heavy security. we knew he wouldn't come back from last piss break ("ill be right back"). i announced band would be better without him because they wouldn't be waiting. i was right. but still they were waiting - who should take lead? yet much of crowd went along. cheering. they got on board during near take off of second or third song and didn't want to face how we never got off ground, still circling the runway and often just stuck in the security check point with a lune. i made my friend fred stay till the end because i wanted to hear crowd as we walked out. i said- i don''t care to write about music much but this is so sad i may have to write about it. he said- this has nothing to do with music. he was mad, felt ripped off, declared it the worst of so manybad shows he's seen. i don't know whether to feel exclusively ripped off by those around sly on stage or if i should feel some pity for them. his sister, and the other original members - could they be so charmed by sly they hope against hope that he'll get the right hit and deliver once last time.?

funny thing, the few lines he managed to sing, he sounded like sly.

6:39 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Exposition

I saw you at The World's Fair,
rotten with progress.

You have crystallized your deceit,
made an exhibit of my desire
(a blueprint of my longing;
a scientific, precise cheapening of the heart you dissected)

I set out to unveil my own advances:
a bloodless life / a rhythm despite the beat's absence / calculations of the spiritual.

I was banished from the site-
"The Cause of Great Ill" they said;
"One Man Has Sullied The Fair's Return" read the byline.

They didn't realize,
fawning over your invention, that
the same hollow circulation which drives it was based on your stolen understanding of every tributary of my pulse.

Shall I revive pure carnivals instead, free from the technological pretext The Fair provides? Yet I cannot ignore what I have learned of weaponry- perhaps I should put it to use in a sideshow-

the bomb doesn't have to go off;
I can simply be strangled by the fuse.

8:16 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I can't remember

That feeling called living

7:37 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Always, still

Really

4:36 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Liars In Love

This one goes out to all you liars in love.

6:11 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Deader Than Albert Ayler

I went & saw "My Name Is Albert Ayler" and now I'm thinking most of us are deader than he'll ever be.

6:06 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Who Knows Where The Time Goes?

I'm listening to Sandy Denny & The Strawbs and it's making me kinda wistful.


why are you reading this?

1:04 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Vicious Dream

I just awoke from a Vicious Dream about someone I know. In dream I heard they had developed heroin habit and in dream I was kinda, just slightly, hoping it would kill them. I have never had such a mean thought in a dream, 'least not the I can remember. Aren't I terrible? Or is that sorta sh*t excused in dreams? What will take my mind off this:

listening to The Fall?

listening to Elmore James?

climbing a mountain?

or another dream?

6:27 PM - 6 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Fluxus Moon

here's a quartet for the end of all love:

for the moon- dry flowers.

for the sun- buckets in vain.

one cupboard.

one feather pen.

6:24 PM - 6 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

Point Me At The Sky

I saw the lunar eclipse, only because I couldn't make it to work that day. No sky at work. That must make work a terrible thing.

1:22 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Song For The Day

I'm thinking "No Looking" by The Raincoats.

Wait... are you looking?

1:21 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

What's your superpower?

Seriously, what's your superpower?

1:21 AM - 5 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

New Once A Day Whamibia

I ain't trying it even if they sell it in full color, which they always do.

1:20 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Probably alright

When last I said "probably alright" (probably twas the first I said "probably alright" as well) I meant "probably already." But I like having said "probably alright." Not in context, but certainly in general. "Probably alright."

How are you? Probably alright?

1:19 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Disappearing Post

Disappearing Post is not the name of a dirty game I want to play with you ladies; rather it describes something I just wrote gone missing on this site. Not uncommon here. Think this time I'll just let it go by, never to be reposted.

1:19 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Provisional Ballot

by the time I find out if my vote counted I will probably alright regret it. Not really. But what the hell? I was registered but not on the rolls.

Voting surrounded by the mentally ill. It was unnerving. They so looked familiar.

1:18 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Tomorrow I Saw You

in quiver / pulled back /straight to the target. split, splintered and kept away from eyeholes. that's right- don't go peeping through the backside of a bullseye; you'll be blinded by the first good shot.

1:18 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

New Sound Eclipse

Listening to jazz older than I am that sounds newer than now I await a new sound eclipse.

1:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

1971

The Rolling Stones were right sometimes.

1:03 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Celebrity Apparition

I parked my car at a meter & was walking to the record store. On the way to work I went to trade in some old cds in exchange for a Miles Davis box I was hoping they had. On a Monday. I thought it peculiar that I was going to do this before work. If I go to any kind of store it'll generally be on a day off. Except groceries. You never know when I'll make it to buy groceries. Exciting stuff I'm talking about here. Shopping habits of my demographic. Me as my own demographic. You want to sell me something? Try me on the weekend.

It was maybe 12:10 pm Pacific time.

As I was walking up to the store I saw a young man too hip and clean to be homeless but he looked like he could play a young homeless guy. This is my description now. At the time I just thought "he looks like a sad, hopeless apparition of Heath Ledger." Again, my thinking seemed odd. Why would I think of Heath Ledger? I had seen him a few weeks earlier as one of "the Dylans" in I'm Not There and I had listened to Dylan the night before but I wasn't even sure after he passed if he really looked like Heath Ledger. I looked back at him & wasn't sure anyone else would have seen the resemblance. And I thought "why did I think 'apparition?' Heath Ledger's not dead." And so after the two seconds in which this transpired I thought not of it. An hour or two later in passing conversation at work I am told that the very actor in question was dead. Like outta the blue a coworker opines how terrible it is about Heath Ledger. This threw me. It was sort of alarming; alarming so much that now I can only write about it in the dullest fashion, exhibiting none of my usual flair. As the day passed I learned he was found dead around 3 pm EST. That's just minutes before I thought of seeing his apparition. I decided to pretend this had meaning. I looked for it.

As the facts starting leaning towards a pharmaceutical fatality brought on by the demised actor's excess I decided that this was a sign to throw away the Ambien I had for nearly two years now. I have never even tried it. I always thought that shit was bad news all the way back to when I first read about it in SPY magazine as they detailed the first president Bush's alleged habit with the stuff. And from what I've seen, it is bad news for folks who take it. So I flushed the shit down the toilet. Another friend of mine sounded wistfully sad as I told her. More proof that shit's too habit forming.

A shame about Mr. Ledger. He was a far better than average actor in an industry that has lowered the bar for just what "average" means with the majority of films made. I was expecting him to be an excellent Joker. Maybe playing Bob Dylan and The Joker is just too creepy and wears you down. This is my second blog entry in a row concerning someone who made art about Bob Dylan and is now dead. I wonder who will finally play Syd Barrett. They'll probably get Roger Waters & David Gilmour back together to make the soundtrack. Then you won't need any sleeping pills.

8:03 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

ValentiTunes

In the three years that i have had this iMac with which i'm writing to you, my beloved readers, my iTunes has kept track via it's default playlist of my Most Often Played songs. It defaults to 25 most played tracks; I just went and changed it to 36 in honor of the thing working for three years with only one major repair. A song a month, I figures... Turns out the MOP list is pretty MOPEY, heavy on the heart tuggers; maybe 'cause I first built my iTunes library right around a cursed Valentine's Day. Anyway these songs are all pretty great or even better and here they go- followed by their play count. I think this post is gratuitous:

01) My Whole World Ended (The Moment You Left Me) David Ruffin The Ultimate Collection 13

this David Ruffin track is one of the greatest soul songs of all time and is at the top of my most played list. Why? I guess because David comes before Raincoats in the alphabet.

02) No One's Little Girl The Raincoats 13

also clocking in at 13 total plays. Such a great band. Don't know them? No wonder KC killed himself after waxing their sunbeam.

03) Truck Stop Girl The Cashed The Original Lo-Fi Masters 12

speaking of Kurt Cobain, he sounds just like The Byrds doing Little Feat. Look it up, I ain't fooling. Here, the awe inspiring Bob Schaeffer of Virgo Snakes pulls this song outta the grave of The Byrds' "Untitled" and it's alive again. until. the. last. beat.

04) Atlantic City Bruce Springsteen Nebraska 11

too cool for Bruce? yeah, well, me too - usually. But not here- this is great.

05) Listen To The Band Monkees 11

too cool for The Monkees? sure they're as white as Liquid Paper but these Mike Nesmith songs have a soul of their own.


06) Detroit Concert Promo 1967 The Monkees & Jimi Hendrix 11

that's right-Jimi opened for the Monkees. I have a friend who saw it. Here's a funny radio spot.

07) Old Man River from Showboat Paul Robeson Showboat 11

I'm not a communist. Nor am I black. However, I have been mistaken for both. Really.

08) Tired Of Singing Trouble R.E.M. Life's Rich Pageant 11

a toss-off from the good ol' days

09) Mood for a Day Steve Howe Not Necessarily Acoustic 11

I can't sleep. That's why I'm sharing this all with you. I bought some retro Coca Cola (in glass) today. Grocer said it was better than even the other glass bottles available. Joked about it having the cocaine back in it. Maybe he was right. I woke up early and am up later than ever. This Howe performance is just like the Fragile version, by the way.

10) Deep-In-It Marvin Gaye Trouble Man 10

funky


11) Yes Mr. Rogers Shel Silverstein The Great Conch Train Robbery 10

funny. a man living in sin with Mr. Rogers' daughter. A bald black man at that. who wrote kids' books. and did Playboy comics.

12) Fling Thing AC/DC Bons Ultimate Volts 9

funny too. Aussie ax man going Scots on ya.

13) Windy City Soul Butler, Jerry Iceman - The Mercury Years - Disc 2 Of 2 9

A man realizes he has to start singing his windy city song again. For a lady of course.

14) Ain't Understanding Mellow Jerry Butler & Brenda Lee Eage 1972 9

here he is with a lady.

15) I Am A Kitten Momus 20 Vodka Jellies 9

some silly shit this is

16) Jugband Blues (mono) Pink Floyd Magnesium Proverbs (Bootleg) 9

I'm most obliged to you for making it clear that I'm not here

17) You Never Even Call Me By My Name Steve Goodman Artistic Hair 9

I need to sit in with The Windy City's own Shine Benders one night and take the mic on this classic number. I will forever after own this song. MARK MY WORDS PEOPLE.

18) What Exactly is a Dream Syd Barrett Magnesium Proverbs (Bootleg) 9

this is really the ending of Jugband Blues

19) Lonely Akon Trouble 8

A Self Serving Self Pitying take on the Bobby Vinton song. I listened to it mostly before I ever heard the original. Now I don't really want to hear either. This is pretty damn catchy. Right down to the chipmunk voice.

20) True Love Will Find You In The End Beck The Late Great Daniel Johnston: Discovered Covered (Disc 1 : 8

maybe it won't . maybe it found you in fourth grade and you missed the boat. Beck at his finest, covering Daniel Johnston

21) Bitches Ain't Shit Ben Folds Bitches Ain't Shit - Single 8

a hilarious cover and heartfelt too.

22) Devil Town Bright Eyes The Late Great Daniel Johnston: Discovered Covered (Disc 1 : 8

I don't think much of Bright Eyes but he does this cover just right.

23) Remember Me (eMusic Solo Version) Cat Power eMusic Session EP 8

I saw Cat do this Otis Redding cover in Mailbu one night. One of the best performances of any song I've ever witnessed. The whole crowd was in love with her the whole night, especially on this one. A pretty good take is available from emusic.

24) Solid Gold Hell Laughing Hyenas Covers - Stolen Tapes 92-94 8

you better run for cover on this one.

25) Bad Day R.E.M. In Time - The Best of R.E.M. 1988-2003 8

seems like a cover of one of their own songs. 'cause they reused the music for this one on a much better track but hell, I guess I've played it a lot.

26) Ghost In You (Psychadelic Furs Cover) Robyn Hitchcock 8

we have hit the cover stretch. first heard this on a 12" single working college radio. Never have seen that record for sale. so happy to find it online. A great rendition from the debatable Mr. Hitchock. Yes, psychedelic was spelled wrong when I found this online and it has stayed that way all this time.

27) Go Sparklehorse With The Flaming Lips The Late Great Daniel Johnston: Discovered Covered (Disc 1 : 8

more Daniel Johnston coverage

28) Mohammed's Radio Warren Zevon A Quiet Normal Life 8

the end of the world may be this ridiculous and awesome.

29) Carry Me Home AC/DC Rare Tracks 7

You cannot deny the Bon - fronted AC/DC . they were real rock and roll

30) Good Woman (eMusic Solo Version) Cat Power eMusic Session EP 7

I just want to kiss her vagina. Dear God, just let me kiss her vagina.

31) Long Black Veil Joan Baez In Concert, Pt. II 7

St. Joan Of The Holy Voice at her most forceful. A tale of a liar lying till the end, when his last lie is presented as a sacrifice but 'tis a lie nonetheless.

32) Annie Mae John Lee Hooker Stealing Beauty 7

a cute college student emailed me this song. she guessed right- I like this tune.

33) Under My Thumb Laughing Hyenas Covers - Stolen Tapes 92-94 7

34) Serves Me Right To Suffer Laughing Hyenas Covers - Stolen Tapes 92-94 7

more ass kickery from the Hyenas. can't find a fault in any of these cuts. Sourced off a 45.

35) Fuckin' Up (acoustic) Neil Young "Like A Musical Ride" bootleg 7

I've pretty much been Fuckin' Off since I was 35. ironically, that's where this track lands on the list. i'm gonna do a rewrite. Why DO I keep Fuckin' Off?

36) Bob Dylan Blues Syd Barrett The Best of Syd Barrett - Wouldn't You Miss Me? 7

Syd died on what woulda been my wedding anniversary; or maybe it was a last, empty anniversary- i forget exactly when the divorce papers went through. The first anniversary of his death was, by further coincidence, the most popular wedding day ever. An unprecedented number of twos becoming ones on the anniversary of a schizophrenic's death. How many of these couples are already divorced? (That would be quick). Or anulled perhaps? How very few of these couples know it's the anniversary of Syd's death too? Or Roger's really. Syd died a long time ago. Roger Barrett died about a year and a half ago. Ironically, on a seventh as the current play count suggests. Turns out I could count on my relationship with the music of a s'posedly crazy guy who only made 3 albums more than i could count on my marriage. What does that mean? Nothing. Keep that in my mind. lovers everywhere. Anyway, this song is about Bobby Dylan. He's been divorced a couple times. Rather famously the first time; secretively the second. But he's still alive and kicking, all you haters!

currently my iTunes is playing from a smart playlist of songs with a play count of 0. That's right: Zero. Never been played. it's 14329 songs. I won't be reviewing them here. I haven't heard them yet.

5:16 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Zipper Shtick

I'm packing for my trip and my suitcase broke; zipper came clean off. What does it mean? I shouldn't travel? Or, that, I, uh, SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY BAGGAGE???

3:10 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Dental Damn!!!

I went to the dentist about three weeks ago for a filling. She left a "ledge" on my filling rubbing against my tongue and I walked right back in to get it smoothed out. Anyway the filling completely dissolved so I had to go back last week to get it replaced. Never heard of such a thing. I'm at work till 4am the night before but still make it ten minutes early for my 9am appointment and end up having to wait outside in the rain till 9:30 because no one is there- presumably because traffic is so bad since people in this town can't drive when it's drizzling. I feel happy to escape the visit without further mishap except at last minute the dentist (or her assistant whom I suspect is a relative with zero qualifications) lacerates the underside of the back of my tongue causing me severe pain. Actually cuts my tonuge with that saliva suction tube and SUCKS OUT PARTS OF MY GUM UNDER THE TONGUE!!! Never heard of such a thing. I have a high threshold for dental discomfort- I usually eschew Novocaine, etc. This is incredibly painful - if I drink water it feels like I've got a razor blade running under my tongue. My dentist goes on vacation so today I go all the way deep into "The Valley" to see dentist she shares another office with, scared of infection cause my tongue don't look right. He ain't never seen a tongue wound like mine. Says I may need oral surgery!! But, then, by the way- notices that I have yet another "ledge" (like, the excess filling hanging off the edge as in first visit) which is keeping my tongue from healing. He fixes that. Also, my back hurts. I am 147 years old as of right now!!!! Wish me well.

1:02 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

My New Theme Eatery

Actually, it's my long standing plan for a theme eatery. I don't think I should reveal it here, lest someone steal my idea.

9:46 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Dancing With The Bears

I have an idea for a new reality tv show: Dancing With The Bears. Washed up "stars" appear dancing with bears or other wildlife. Immediately, they are mauled.

The non violent variation allows the "stars" to wear ridiculous protective body suits in which they are immediately bandied about by the enraged, bemused, or otherwise active beasts.

8:46 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

I Have Never Done That With My Clothes On

Showered. Ain't never showered with my clothes on. Or bathed for that matter. Most everything else I've done, I've done both clothed and naked. Well, actually- I've never posted to this blog naked. Always had my clothes on. Ever occur to you that maybe that charming email from the prospective suitor was written in his/her birthday suit? I wonder how many of our fellow bloggers and singles longing for connection are secretly naked. Shouldn't their pics reflect that? I'm at work right now, so once again I swear I have my clothes on. As always. Really.

You're naked aren't you? You're reading this naked! You saw the title to this post and thought it was time to finally do some naked reading! I don't know if i should be shocked or flattered. Don't lie about it now. You're blushing. All over. I can tell.

7:44 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Your Own Eponymous Disease

If you had a disease named after you, would you note this on your myspace page?

Yes. I might even brag about it.

No. I would hide it until you saw it in the Journal of Medical Sciences.

It depends on the disease.

It depends on my name.

4:38 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

The Sun: I would rather not today

I would rather The Moon. I would rather The Wind. I would rather you Not Pretend. I would rather Be Real. I would rather The Dark.

just today.

No Horseshit no Suntan No God No Apollo & His Chariot.

just today let us not claim that light = truth.

only today- and never again- or maybe tomorrow too.

I'm just saying we could use a little rain.

11:34 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Schooling is for tools

It's just that those from the highest ranking universities are often the most indoctrinated. It's not like I'm advocating ignorance. I feel another degree coming on. Must have a fever.

10:53 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove